by Texas Homesteader ~
Do you sometimes feel inadequate comparing your life to the perfection you’re reading on your friends’ social media posts?
It’s up to you, the reader, to realize your friends are just sharing the highlight reels with ya. And that’s WONDERFUL!
But keep in mind that their lives are no more perfect than yours. 
Unhealthy Comparisons On Social Media
It’s common knowledge that many people start to feel inadequate when seeing friend’s social media posts about their Martha-Stewart styled holidays, picturesque vacation views, lavish special-occasion dinners, etc.
The reader sometimes compares their normal everyday life to the sparkly perfection they’re reading on their friends’ posts. Their perfect holiday or perfect children. Their perfect vacation or perfectly made & presented home-made meal.
Now I’ve never been affected negatively by reading Facebook posts because I look at it this way: People are NOT gonna post the boring parts of their lives, only the shiny parts. And I know that’s wonderful and as it should be!
I actually enjoy reading about what’s going on outside these four walls. But it got me to thinking…
Authentic Life Is Sometimes Messy
Because of these unrealistic reader perceptions a battle cry goes out for people to show the more ‘authentic’ side of their lives so others reading their stories won’t feel inferior.
We’re encouraged to plaster posts showing burnt cakes or messy living rooms on our newsfeeds instead.
But I think it’s MORE important for readers to realize that the fun posts they’re seeing have nothing to do with being less authentic.
It’s up to each of us to realize what we’re seeing in those posts are the fun parts of other’s lives.
Read that again – It’s up to the reader.
Deciphering Social Media Posts For Yourself
It’s not that people are not showing others the messy parts of their lives enough. But when viewing other’s posts we shouldn’t self-depreciate our own lives thinking our FB friends’ lives are perfect.
I personally don’t have any interest in seeing someone’s unmade bed or disaster in the kitchen (unless it’s done as a laughing matter) and I’m sure other readers feel the same. And that’s ok!
It’s up to each person to keep a healthy balance in their own minds & not make unrealistic comparisons about their own lives.
Remember Social Media Is A Highlight Reel!
Recently I was trying to decide what flavor endless soup I wanted to make for our weeks’ worth of lunches. I decided to make a good hearty stew.
It was delicious, and I wanted to share with our followers. I know I often find inspiration in these kinds of posts and I was hoping to help inspire others who are trying to find easy ways to eat simple, healthy, homemade meals as well.
So when I snapped a picture of the stew to share on Texas Homesteader’s Facebook page, I positioned the bowl on a plate and fanned out the bread slices so it would look nice.
But you certainly couldn’t see the preparation dishes cluttering the sink in the background.
And when I take a picture of our pup sitting on the fireplace rug to share with our Facebook readers, I’ll crop out the spots where embers have popped out over the years & scorched that hearth rug.
During the holidays when RancherMan & I are assembling our homemade Christmas gifts I don’t share the messy preparation surfaces. Just the pretty wrapped packages.
That’s not to make you think we don’t have messy parts of our lives here at our Homestead. It’s because the focus of what I want to share is a hearty bowl of stew, a cute fuzzy dog and pretty wrapped packages!
Putting Your Best Foot Forward
I mean, take yourself out of online mode and think about real-life circumstances for a minute.
Are you being less than authentic when you put on makeup before work? I mean, you’re purposely hiding blemishes on your face with makeup. (unless you’re one of those lucky people with flawless skin!)
What about when you slip into that beautiful new dress for a night on the town? Because you’re dressing up for this special occasion, are you being less authentic?
And does that beautiful dress mean you don’t have a comfy but worn pair of sweat pants in your closet?
Of course not!
When I’m receiving guests at our home, would I purposely drag them through our mud room so they could see how ‘real’ our lives are to keep from being less authentic for their perception?
Um, no. I’d bring guests into our home through the living room. (hopefully after it’s been tidied and presentable for company.)
Proper Perception Balance Is Up To The Reader
This is probably my most misunderstood post. Many people assume I’m suggesting that we all need to share the messiness of our lives so others will feel better about their own lives.
But that’s not what I’m saying at all!
We all should read those fun posts while keeping things in perspective with regard to our own lives.
So remember when you’re reading your friend’s fun social media stories – their lives are not more perfect than yours.
Their vacations are not without bumps in the road and their families are not without the blemishes all families have in one way or the other.
They’re going through life just as you are. Enjoying the good parts and doing their best to look past the not-so-fun parts.
It’s important to realize that when you’re browsing. Enjoy the story and know that we’re all in the same boat.
Love to all!
~TxH~
Other Humanity Posts
Social
- Why Can’t We All Get Along With Our Fellow Humans??
- Snap Judgement: All Is Not Always As It Appears
- The Ripple Effect: How You Affect Others
- Showing Love In A Time Of Sorrow
- Many Flowers Make For A More Beautiful Bouquet
- Generosity Shouldn’t Be Judgmental: Just Show Love
- My Journey May Not Be YOUR Journey: And That’s OK’!
- Dealing With Gossip So No One Gets Hurt
Home Life
- Learning To Say “NO” To More Commitments
- The TRUTH Behind Perfect FB Posts
- Why Doesn’t Junior Want Grandma’s Fine China?
- September 11th – Where Were You?
- The Fast Life: Slowing Down & Living MORE
- Simplify Your Estate – Document These Numbers NOW!
- Learn To Recognize Stress In Your Family & Seek Help
- The Importance Of The Family Supper Table
See All Relationship/Humanity Posts
C’mon by & sit a spell! Come hang out at our Facebook Page. It’s like sitting in a front porch rocker with a glass of cold iced tea. There are lots of good folks sharing! And you can also follow along on Pinterest, on Twitter or on Instagram.
If you’d like to receive an email each time a new blog post goes live it’s EASY to
subscribe to our blog
Great post–and so true! One of the first posts I did for my blog stated that my life is NOT perfect, and anyone who claims to have a perfect life is either lying to impress or delusional. I like how the Amish look at life–in the beautiful quilts they make they always add in a little flaw. It keeps them from being prideful. Maybe that’s how we should look at the behind the scenes part of our posts–they are the flaws that keep us from being too prideful. Actually, I consider my life as a ‘blooper reel’!
I’m somewhere in the middle, Evelyn. Although I’d never claim that my life is perfect, I do always look at the bright side, so to me – my life really *is* pretty darn perfect. But I’d never accept a guest through my front door and march them right to the mud room so they’d be sure to see how imperfect my life really is. I feel much the same with my blog. I try to present the best to my blog guests, just as I would to a guest in my living room. That’s ok! But with the popularity of social media, many people are seeing all their friend’s trips to fun faraway places or fancy restaurants, perfectly-dressed kids at the latest popular entertainment venue and start feeling bad about their own lives. They’re losing sight of the fact that those friends of theirs are sharing the shiny parts of their lives – and that’s ok too! The important thing to remember is when you’re looking at those wonderful shiny parts of your friends’ lives on social that you don’t get to feeling your own life doesn’t measure up. Each of us have shiny parts in our own lives, and isn’t that wonderful? ~TxH~
Perfect post. This is ABSOLUTELY true. It pays to remember what goes on in the background…! Thanks for sharing!
Sarah @ enrichmentality.com
YES Sarah – you get it! This is probably my most misunderstood post in the entire blog. So many people didn’t get the point of this post & assumed I was suggesting that we all needed to post the messiness of our lives so others will feel better about their own lives. But that’s not what I’m saying at all! We all have the ability to read those fun posts while keeping things in perspective with regard to our own lives. ~TxH~
Thanks for addressing this. We fall prey of unfair comparison easily when in truth we also contribute to Fb’s stock of perfect pix and posts. Tweeted and shared on my Fb page, Aunty Edith.
Our falling prey to unfair comparison happens in our own minds Edith, it’s up to us to keep things in perspective for ourselves. The purpose of this post is to remind us of that fact. ~TxH~
Yeah, who’s gonna show the messed up kitchen or living room, the unweeded garden, etc. When the demon of unfair comparison comes around, we should remind it that we have our own collection of perfect Facebook pix and posts. No one has everything, really.
…or just enjoy those fun FB posts for exactly what they are – fun posts! ~TxH~
This is so true! My kitchen and work area is a hot mess when I’m through and one day I may be brave enough to share the behind the scenes stuff.
I have no intention of showing the behind the scenes stuff Sandra (with the exception of this post for demonstration purposes). I’m not suggesting that we’re not showing the messy parts of our lives enough – I’m suggesting that when we’re viewing others posts we don’t self-depreciate our own lives thinking our FB friends’ lives are perfect. I don’t have any interest in seeing someone’s unmade bed or disaster in the kitchen (unless it’s done as a laughing matter) and I’m sure other readers feel the same. And that’s ok! It’s up to each person to keep a healthy balance in their own minds & not make ridiculous and unrealistic comparisons about their own lives. ~TxH~
This is so true it is not even funny. Sometimes I make a mistake and get lazy and instead of retaking the photo I sit there and edit it. This of course, takes up twice as much time as it would have had I just retaken it. I can go on and on about this subject. Haha!!
I’m guilty of the same thing Mary. But of course we want to present our projects (or our lives) in the best possible light. There’s nothing wrong with that – the trouble lies when someone mistakes that best-possible-light shot for their own mis-conceived illusion that all things are perfect for the people they’re reading about. ~TxH~
I recently read somewhere that you shouldn’t compare your behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. I loved that quote because it is easy to look at posts and think, “gee that house is so clean” and “she has amazing dishes” and “whoa those kids are so precious”. Probably she made the kids stand in that corner to take the shot so no one could see the clutter on the coffee table, and that is probably the only dish with that pattern that she bought at a consignment shop specifically to take the food pics, and those kids were literally pinching each other before the photo was snapped. It sorta puts it in perspective for me. 😀
Great message, especially during the holidays when there are so many posts featuring big, beautiful houses decorated to perfection! Thanks for reminding us this is the “shiny” stuff! Blessings, Janet
🙂 Indeed Janet. So many people mistake this post to be about bloggers needing to show the messiness in their lives. But it’s not! It’s about the reader understanding what they’re reading (and more importantly, what they’re NOT reading) It’s about not comparing our lives to what is mistakenly perceived as perfection. I love that you’ve understood the intended message perfectly. ~TxH~
This is such a spot-on post! I use my dining room table for my food photos, and right now it’s “set” for the holidays. So I just push everything to the darker half of the table, put up the table pad as a backdrop, and photo from there!
This is so true with me too!! I always think to myself that most people don’t want to see the mess, even though it is there, lol. Thanks for sharing.
…and I think you’re right Cheryl, most people don’t want to see the messy parts on FB – I know I don’t. Instead, I enjoy reading the fun, shiny parts! ~TxH~
What a great post and reminder that life isn’t always pretty. I think it’s a good idea to occasionally share a pic of the “behind the scenes” chaos….it certainly adds realism.
Carol
…maybe Carol, but I think the more important lesson here is for the readers of those social media posts. It’s important to realize they are simply the shiny parts you’re seeing on your friend’s story line, and THAT’S OK! As long as we all remember that those people have messy parts in their lives too, just like we all do. ~TxH~
Such a great post and a great point to make! People share what they want you to see, and all the “shiny” parts, and it’s important to learn not to compare yourself to others in general. The grass always looks greener, but 9 times out of 10 that isn’t the case. Thanks for sharing!
I can’t stop laughing because what you say is so true. We all edit out the bad bits, of course its understandable as we want the focus in the right object of our photo. Sometimes we do that in the written word too. The big message here is stop comparing yourself to others. I need to learn that one too.
Kathleen
Love this post! I was just thinking this the other day when I started thinking about how my life just can’t compare to all of the amazing things other people are doing (and sharing!) on social media sites. Good to be reminded of the reality ;o)
Oh, I can relate. When snapping photos, I try to keep the messy spots out of view. It’s a good reminder that most of us are just regular people.
Yes, absolutely YES to this post! I have often thought about this as I position something on top of and in front of white boards to get a good, elegant and clean shot for my blog and to the sides and all around the board is a giant MESS! It’s a balancing act because I want to present my best self to people, no matter in the cyber or real world, but at the same time, also want to be authentic and honest – far from perfection here! This same idea I have found goes with posts about our kids. I have noticed “we” post cute things they say, adorable pictures of perfect day outings with them, proud learning moments…but no one sees those OTHER moments…any parent knows what I am talking about…I wonder how parents who are having a really hard spell with their children are feeling when they see all those “perfect” posts. I found you at the #ALittleR&RWednesdays linky party. Thanks for sharing!
I think you ARE being authentic and honest when you present yourself in the best light Nicole. Are you being less than authentic when you put on makeup before work? When you slip into that beautiful new dress for a date? And does that beautiful dress mean you don’t have a comfy but worn pair of sweat pants in your closet? Not at all! I look at FB posts like this – No one wants to see your burnt cake or your messy kitchen – it’s that beautiful creation you’re sharing with us that we want to see. The point in this post is that we all need to realize that we’re seeing those shiny parts of our friends’ lives and enjoying them, but all of us have our warts – and that’s ok…
What a great post! I can really recommend a Facebook group called ” Family Living- the true story”. The group started as a protest and contrast to all social media posts and fancy magazines showing off perfect homes. ( There is a Swedish decorating magazine called ” Family Living” and the targetgroup is middle class families interested in decorating.) The great thing about the Facebook group is that the members post pictures of their everyday mess. It’s real mess from real people:0) The comments are of course in Swedish but I’d say the pictures speaks for themselves:0)
/ Ida from Sweden
Ya know Ida, I have no problem with “keepin’ it real” posts where people show their own messy lives sometimes – and I’ve certainly done posts like that while laughing at myself on occasion. But I’m not suggesting that we all should feel compelled to open the virtual laundry hampers of our lives to our friends & family on social media so that they can feel better about their own lives. I feel people should just realize that they’re not seeing the laundry-hamper posts, nor should they (in my opinion). I know that I’m not the least bit interested in seeing Aunt Betty’s burnt birthday cake or cousin Sue’s messy unmade bed and I’m assuming none of my friends or family are interested in seeing that either. I believe that you can’t force someone to feel better about their own lives, we can only do that for ourselves. ~TxH~
Sooo true! Sometimes I look at pictures of this nice happy, smiling family in front of the Christmas tree and think, oh, I want to be them. Then I realize it IS MY FAMILY and I know the teenager was in a crabby mood having her picture taken, the hubby was wondering who was calling the house phone and the cat was yakking up a furball, all while I was trying to get the dog away from the camera tripod.
Love this! As I walked back into the house after a photo shoot of my beautiful strawberry tartlets on my front porch (better, natural light) with my hands full of food, props, camera, etc. I almost screamed when I saw the state of my kitchen. For a brief moment, I thought a thief had broken in and tossed the place looking for treasures I didn’t know I had. Behind every beautiful pictures is a big, fat mess that has to be cleaned. I need a sous chef. 🙂
I prefer the UN-shiny parts myself!! Makes me feel at home with ya!!
Every life has ’em Penny – both shiny & un-shiny parts. And that’s OK!
Very true! One way I have found to keep my happy, shiny home… completely clearing off my counter tops! They have been cleared for a over a year, and the peace of mind this brings, is priceless. So, sometimes the bumps are hidden in one another’s lives, and sometimes they are just pretty, shiny, and uncluttered, too!
Just found this and love it! We always show the “shiny” parts of our lives. Its the equivalent of a Mom saying their house is a mess, and all I see is a cluttered counter. No, no, no. Daily you find my coffee table a mess, the couch littered with kids clothes, books, and maybe crumbs. The kitchen sink looks like tetris, and there is a colony of laundry baskets waiting to be folded, and mayyyyybe put away. Thanks for the reality shot in this post 🙂 I’m happy I’m not the only one whos kitchen looks like it exploded when I make something good!
Exactly Erin. Our social media lives that we show to others are much like mom saying to us “Grandma’s on her way to visit, let’s clean up this mess before she gets here”, just in an electronic kinda way. LOL
You are so right, we show the good stuff and hide all the bad. But it’s still great to see all that good stuff.
This is so true! Sometimes it’s hard not to compare your life to another, but it’s good to remember that a lot of it is the shiny parts of their life. Thanks for the reminder 🙂 Oh, and with four kids…my whole house often looks like your counters…lol.
So important to remember when you’re looking a FB (or Pinterest!) That really pretty redo of the laundry room? Well, all the other rooms of the house probably look like crap. That’s what I choose to believe, anyway. If your house looks fabulous all the time, everywhere, hats off to you but keep it to yourself!
I do the same thing when I am taking pics for my blog. It is so true: facebook and social media are not “real life”. We all need that reminder sometimes!
I prefer to look at it as real life alright, just not both sides of the story. Again, that’s fine – I don’t really want to see one of my FB friends’ dirty kitchen or backed up toilets. It’s just important to remember that you’re seeing the nicer parts of your social media friends’ lives – they have pitfalls the same as you.
Great reminder! Even though we all edit out the negative when we post, we forget that everybody else does too. Thank you for posting this and for linking it up at the This Is How We Roll Thursday party.
The heartbeat of this post could not have been more eloquently said! I think perfection is boring, to be honest! Who lives in a perfect world? No one I know… but there are many who try to pretend they do. I think it is far more realistic to allow for some dirt, dust, and imperfections to come across in your posting, because that is reality, and life, and it is wonderful. Think about this – would we ever really enjoy the sunshine, if we didn’t have clouds and rain? Would the mountains ever carry such splendor if there were no valleys to view them from? I chose to enjoy the journey, dirt, clouds, imperfections and all, and I’m glad to read your post about it – wonderful perspective for all of us to think on! Blessings to you and yours today 🙂
What a great read.. it’s all so true. I can’t tell you how many time I’ve cropped out the messy half of my table while taking photos for my blog! Thanks for sharing and keeping it real 🙂
Ya know Laura, you SHOULD crop out the messy half of your table when taking pictures for your blog. The shiny parts of your life can be beautiful, and fun, and exciting. There’s nothing wrong with showing those shiny parts beautifully. What must change is our perception of perfection when reading other people’s shiny posts. They’re just doing the same thing we are – showing the shiny parts of their lives in the most beautiful light possible and the point is that’s OK. Their lives are not perfect, their children are not perfect, their crafts are not perfect. Just shiny!
My sister sometimes gets down about seeing her friends’ pictures on Facebook because she thinks their lives are so perfect and happy all the time. After a few times of her saying this to me, I pointed out some ‘picture perfect’ photos on my personal page and told her about how many shots I took to get that good one and the chaotic behind the scenes mess taht was happening that you couldn’t see in the photo. It helped a little, but it’s our very nature to easily envy the shiny moments.
I found your post at A Little R&R linky party.
Good for you Brandi for helping your sis see reality behind the posts she’s viewing. Each of us should enjoy those shiny posts, laugh at the funny antics and be happy for those enjoying life without feeling down about our own lives. We’re all in the same boat with less-than-shiny times in their lives. To me, it’s uplifting to read good stuff when things are less than shiny here.
I completely agree with your post! I know that I don’t leave Facebook posts about negative things in my life (other than mild annoyances from time to time) so I don’t expect others to do that either. I have heard the same thing about people feeling inferior when on FB but people only post the good stuff (most people anyway). The only time I feel jealous is when I see someone on a fabulous vacation and I want to be there with them…LOL
Yeah, I guess it’s hard for me to relate to people feeling inferior because of exciting social media posts, I’ve never been afflicted that way. I’ve always understood they were showing the shiny parts, just like I was. But, from what I understand, it’s a very common problem.
Ironically I have the opposite happen too. When my son is driving me crazy and want to rant about it I will see a post from a friend that lost her 16 year old daughter. Or I have a cold I can’t shake and see a post from a friend checking in at chemo.
It is important to keep it all in perspective.
Excellent point Audrey! And you’re so right, it’s so important to keep it all in perspective. Thanks so much for weighing in.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s a dangerous game when we start comparing ourselves to others. I’ve been guilty of that and still have moments. I’m learning to be grateful of what I have and to be happy for what others have instead of being envious. Not always easy to do, but it really does make a difference! #you’regonnaloveittuesday
YES Yanique, that’s exactly the point I was trying to make. Being grateful for what you have and being happy for others instead of being envious. It’s great that Aunt Betty is doing great in the kitchen or that Cousin Bill is enjoying a vacation, why can’t we just be happy for them? We have our own beautiful life going on right in our own backyard, right? Thanks so much for stopping by, I’m glad you’re here. ~TxH~
I love the stories behind pictures. And we work so hard to get at least fairly decent photos for social media, those stories are often left out. Last year, I started a Mostly Unedited Photos thing, but life got in the way and I didn’t keep it up, but maybe sometime this year I’ll get back to it! 🙂
I love it and oh so true. I usually always have a bit of this and a bit of that in the background of my images, sometimes I will crop but often I don’t. Linking from #merrymondaylinkyparty
I always crop my pictures to make them look nicer Jennifer. And that’s ok. The point is that people looking at pictures and reading stories on social media should realize that those people are showing the shiny parts & not make unrealistic self-depreciating parallels with their own lives. ~TxH~
You are so right. It’s dangerous and often depressing to compare our own lives to the lives that people allow us to see. There is a whole different side to the picture that we don’t know anything about. It’s easy to shoot around the mess and post perfect on fb and even in real life unless we know the people we interact with really well we usually get an edited version.
I have long realized that… and I do not mind it…. unless they always come across as perfect.. or condescending. I value “real”…. and yet, who wants to see all of the dirty dishes, laundry or other stuff not quite done yet. 🙂 We all tend to have those kinds of “pictures”.
I think we are all in the same shoes.
Love those darling soup bowls and that soup looks delish.
With freezing temperatures along with freezing rain coming in, I made up a big pot of chili for us to have tomorrow. Also made a Large crockpot of spaghetti sauce as well which simmered all day. Made a lasagna to put in the freezer and now today will be making stuffed pizza shells, so needless to say my kitchen was a total mess yesterday; washing dishes off and on all day. My oven racks could really use a good cleaning but that will have to wait till we get a good hot and sunny day cause I put my racks outside and let the sun bake them and then I just take the garden hose and rinse them off.
Enjoy your weekend. Stay warm and Snuggle On.
Colleen, my friend, you sure are a gal to be prepared. Sounds like you’ll be standing ready when Ole Man Winter comes rolling in again soon. Funny you should mention those bowls – I love them too! I saw them at a garage sale a few years ago and they wanted well more than I wanted to pay so I put them down and walked away. Then walked back. Then walked away. I couldn’t stand it & I walked back & grabbed them up before anyone else could take them. Don’t know what it is about them but I love them! ~TxH~
This was a great read today.I totally agree with it all.Being a non professional food blogger myself, I have tried over the years to better my photography and get that prefect shot.I also however on my fb page have a album called jodies kitchen oops which I share pictures of the food that burned up or spilled on the floor.I do this just because I want people to know I myself am a home cook and not a professional chef who has problems in the kitchen just like them.I have also worked in a restaurant with a chef and people would be surprised at the mistakes that are thrown away.Thank you for writing such a great post.
You’re right Jodie, sometimes keepin’ it real makes other people feel better about themselves. But even more importantly we need to keep in mind when we’re reading all those fun posts that these folks are just posting the shiny parts, and THAT’S OK. It’s our self-depreciating comparisons that need to change, not (in my opinion) the fun or beautiful posts by others. ~TxH~
Thanks so much for keeping it real! I use my counter top for pictures of knitting projects to post on Ravelry and any number of craft projects for my computer craft folder. I can’t count the times I shove everything out of the way to take that ‘perfect’ shot. It is a good reminder that we are all in the same boat and to silence the perfectionism voices. Love your blog.
Although I think it’s probably grounding to keep it real from time to time when posting for others, I think the more important lesson here is for those of us enjoying others’ posts. Love them, learn from them, smile about them, but know that they’re only the shiny parts, no more or less shiny than those special moments in your own life. ~TxH~
That’s a good thing to keep in mind! I sometimes find myself getting a little jealous of people’s homes on facebook… then I remember that I don’t exactly show the cluttered parts of my own home, myself!
SO true! I am always moving things out of sight when I am taking photos for the blog!
Of course you are Lucy, what you’re trying to get the readers to focus on is that great project or special recipe. We’re all wanting to show the shiny parts, and there’s nothing in the world wrong with that. The problem lies with those that perceive those shiny parts as our only reality and start making unrealistic comparisons with their own life. ~TxH~
What a great observation, and so true!